Partying responsibly at a comedy festival

Managing your partying is an important part of any festival. It comes down to who you are, you can find out early on if you’re the type of person who needs their beauty sleep with some orange juice for breakfast and a nap and quiet, contemplative meditation in the afternoon before the show, or the type that performs best when they’re stumbling on stage with beers in both hands, pants around their ankles and a black eye.

Unfortunately I’m the former.

This means I can’t be out till 5am drunk off my head enjoying all the sex and drugs I want. I’m no Waleed Aly (Editor note: I’m legally obligated to state here that I’m not basing that on any actual evidence whatsoever). So I have to remember all the rules for having fun at a festival while also not hindering my performance.

Rule No.1
Water water water. My old PE teacher used to say “friends may come and go, but hydration will always treat you right.” He was a lonely man Mr Pine. Had very healthy skin though.

Rule No.2
Sleep. Before and after. This can’t be overstated as both a preventative and cure. There’s a reason Michelangelo depicts God reclining on the Sistine Chapel ceiling in The Creation of Adam, because God knows the importance of a good nap. Be like God. Nap.

Rule No.3
Control the blowout. Accept you may want to celebrate or commiserate occasionally and plan accordingly. Clear the schedule for the following day and party like your life depends on it, when people feel like relaxing or going home you direct derogatory comments at their mothers so they feel obligated to join in. Works nevery time!

Rule No.4
Go hard but finish early so you have time to recover the next day. The easiest way is to drink with the old English comedians who treat drinking as their patriotic dury. You’ll be in bed by 11.30pm with a head full of beer, complaints about wives and slurred puns.

Rule No.5
All food is good, it always helps, but the real secret is avocados. Theres a chemical in them that makes you handle alcohol better. So get some guacamole mixed in with that fireball shot and you are set!