12 Facebook Likes we've all done

Warning - post contains 78 mentions of the word “like”.

Facebook has a little thumbs up logo, called the Like, that you can click to show many things. An incomplete list of what the Like can represent is below.

  • The Vengeful Like
    When your partner screws up so you like a photo of an ex
  • The Bitter Like
    When you see friends out having fun and they didn’t invite you
  • The Remembrance Like
    When you want to make sure the person you added last night remembers you
  • The Sarcastic Like
    When you see an article by Andrew Bolt
  • The Look at Me Like
    When you want someone to acknowledge your existence, even if its just for one split second on Facebook (hint: avoid photos with too many likes where you won’t easily be seen)
  • The “I see what you’re up to” Like
    When a friend said they would stop seeing someone and then you see them out together
  • The “I forgive you for making a fool of yourself” Like
    When you let someone who screwed up know that you are willing to allow them to speak to you again
  • The “You might be on holiday with friends but don’t forget me” like
    When you’re not clingy or worried or anything but people do get up to mischief when they’re on holiday so no harm in giving a little reminder
  • The “Hey hows it going? Its been 6 months since we spoke but I think we should start chatting again - we aren’t super close but we have a thing, I’ve just stopped seeing someone so why don’t we lazily contact eachother and see if anything comes of it” Like
    Where you want to say “Hey hows it going? Its been 6 months since we spoke but I think we should start chatting again - we aren’t super close but we have a thing, I’ve just stopped seeing someone so why don’t we lazily contact eachother and see if anything comes of it.” The name is kind of self explanatory.
  • The Like Like
    Apparently used for when people like things with no agenda whatsoever

“Lets be friends so that I can Like our friendship.” That isn’t a sentence that made sense before Facebook and its little button.

Fights have started and relationships torn apart because of a little thumbs up logo. Its something that seems crazy at first glance until you realise that this “little button” is just a modern version of an ancient human trait. The giveaway. Whether its the wandering eye. the laughter thats a little too loud or the blush, its really just another not-so-subtle sign that reveals more than we want to other people.

The Like causes real stress and intense anxiety. When I show a friend the Instagram account of a girl I like I experience genuine physical stress that they might hit ‘Like’ on one of those photos and make me look like a stalker. If you’ve ever been through it then you know you’ll fight them to stop it happening. You’ll hurt them if you have to.

Its what makes things so calculated, like all things involving the opposite sex, you know you’re overthinking it so you need to overthink it twice as much to make it look like you’re not thinking about it. This means no Liking old photos, no Likes at 1am, no Likes when they have just posted something, no Likes when you should be out doing something proactive and definitely no Liking something that no one else has Liked, that is much too intense - you may as well cut off your ear and send it to her.

Nothing shows how much thought you put into Liking something until you sit on a social media account drunk and start Liking everything you see, you become a digital version of the drunk leaning on everyone and saying “this guy, right here, I love this guy.” The fact you don’t do that all the time shows that you are treating that button like a genuine social indicator.

You wonder if Facebook knew what would happen with the button or if they naively thought people would actually use it only because they like things. There’s definitely no way they could have predicted just how much range that little button could have.

In the end the button is just another method for people to communicate with eachother. If humans have shown one thing its that they have a huge ability to take something that exists and say something new with it. Think of when a kid throws a brick through the window of a girl he likes or someone stays in bed all day to promote world peace, both are crazy and both are taking a medium and changing the message. At least the kid had to get out of bed unlike John “Lazybones” Lennon.